


Stealing a Legend

by Polarissruler



Category: Baccano!, Durarara!!
Genre: Gen, Humor, Humorous Ending, Plans, and everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:47:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23398714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarissruler/pseuds/Polarissruler
Summary: Isaac and Miria have planned their greatest heist - who else has stolen a legend before? Nothing will stop them - not even when the Headless Rider has a very apparent head...
Comments: 6
Kudos: 7
Collections: /r/FanFiction Prompt Challenge #17 / March 2020





	Stealing a Legend

**Author's Note:**

> The last crossover for reddit - this one was the easiest to write. Admittedly, most of it was thinking what wacky schemes Isaac and Miria would get themselves into - and how would characters react to them. Also, I just had to add that part in the ending.

“Hey, Isaac!” Miria looked at his general direction, not seeing much in the night. She could take her shades off, but then she’d be confused for a normal barman. Those small details made the suit alive! “Are sure this is a smart idea?” Her shouts crossed over the street and reached Isaac.

"Why would it not be, Miria?” Isaac let the net for a second to form a hand funnel around his mouth. “After all, nobody else has stolen a legend! It will make us famous - more than when we tried to steal the museum!” A knife fell out of Isaac’s sleeve and almost cut the net as he took it again. He had to meet that Izaya fellow and ask him how to keep all of those blades.

“Even more famous! Oh, I can hardly wait for all the headlines we are going to get! Our photos will be spread across the whole of Japan!”

“Across the whole world, Miria! Our photos will be on every building!”

“Oh, but Isaac, we should ask to change the pictures on the wanted posters! If they use the ones from the thirties, people might mistake us for another charming pair of thieves!”

A task for another time, however. Isaac heard a motor engine roaring. “It has to be the Headless Biker, Miria! Ready?” He pulled the huge fishing net towards himself.

Miria followed suit. “Always ready, Isaac! Let’s steal a legend!”

A man on a white motorbike appeared from the left and took a sharp turn.

Were he driving any faster, he could have torn it without noticing. Instead, he slowed down and stopped by Isaac’s side. He took his helmet off. Shivering, Isaac averted eyes, away from the headless monster. What horrors did he have in its place?” A huge pillar of darkness? Bloody wound that has never healed?

“Hey, Isaac?” Miria’s voice came from the other side of the street. Oh, Miria!

How could Isaac forget her - he had to warn her about the horrors of the monster… “Shouldn’t the Headless Rider lack a head?”

“But of course, Miria!” Isaac opened his eyes, his fears forgotten. “And that’s why this” - he looked at the man who had stopped them. The man’s eyes also looked at Isaac. Eyes. Which were on the head. “Is it not clear, Miria?” Only one reason could explain the very apparent head belonging to the Headless Rider.

“The monster had stolen someone’s head!”

Two screams cut the night’s relative silence. Some walkers gave them curious glances. Ignoring the slight commotion they were causing, Miria ran to Isaac.

“Oh, how horrible! The monster has stolen some poor fellow’s head!”

“How could you, monster? That head could have dreams!

“Have you thought about the poor, headless body that is crying somewhere?”

“You can’t take someone else’s belongings just because you like them!”

“But Isaac, don’t we do as thieves?”

“No. You see, Miria…” Isaac’s sentence killed the conversation. He scratched his head, trying to think of an answer. “It’s not the same because -” If the headless monster had not opened his mouth, maybe Miria would have learned the difference between thieves and head-snatchers.

“So you admit to blocking a street, possibly causing harm to many people and stealing?” For a stolen head, it expressed emotions quite well, Isaac noted. The angry frown looked almost like a real one.

If they didn’t face a monster, Isaac would congratulate him on the acting skills.

Actually, why should such a little detail stop him? Maybe a little bit of goodwill could change the horrific beast and make him return the stolen head. “You are a talented actor!”

The frown only grew angrier. “Are you making fun of a police officer? Don’t you understand in how big trouble you are? Now I’m going to arrest you, so I’d advise you to not -”

Arrest! Isaac and Miria bolted away as soon as they heard the word. “I’m never going to Alcatraz again! Never again!” shouted Isaac as he ran.

“And I don’t want to end there ever!” shouted Miria.

No matter how fast they moved, however, they could never outspeed a motorbike. The engine roared loudly - making the pair of thieves run even faster. Not enough at all; the policeman monster had caught them before they could run for even 100 meters.

“Stay here while I call for someone to drive you to the precinct.”

However much Isaac and Miria flailed, they could not break the handcuffs. One knife fell out of Isaac’s sleeve in his hand, almost cutting his finger. “Miria,” said he in a solemn tone, “are you thinking about the same thing as me?”

She nodded. “Don’t worry, Isaac. Our hands will be reborn to our bodies!”  
By the time the policeman turned back, the thieves had disappeared. The handcuffs remained empty.

* * *

Celty sat on the sofa, browsing the Dollars’ site. Her finger flicked up page after page of the usual requests, asks for help and questions. One page caught her attention - a sentence almost like the ones she repeated after every encounter with Kuzuhara.

“The traffic police are monsters in disguise! Very cruel monsters!”

Him? Could it be? She clicked on the link and read every word as if it were profound wisdom from an unsung genius.

“One of them steals people’s heads!”

“He handcuffed us and was very rough!”

“He is not a human!”

“He is a beast!”

“He wanted to steal my head, too!”

Under all of those insults the Dollars had left a short description of the man with a warning for people to keep their heads safe around him. As Celty read it, the shadow blood in her veins ran colder than usual. Impossible! But each word just confirmed it more and more. To think she had been so close to such a repulsive creature!

“Shinra!” If she had a mouth, she would scream. A message in capital letters was the best she could do. “I was correct! That policeman who tried to arrest me - he truly is not a human!”


End file.
